I love the way you love me
So pure and strong and true
I am so thankful every day
For the man i’ve found in you
Such happiness and wonder
To my life you bring
Our love is so precious
You make me soul sing
I never knew love could feel like this
Unconditional and free
You opened my eyes to what love is
You made me believe
You’re the only man I want
The only man I’ll ever need
My love my one
My wonderful Richie
Lying here with you
Listening to the rain
Smiling just to see the smile upon your face
These are the moments I thank God that I’m alive
These are the moments I’ll remember all my life
I found all I’ve waited for
And I could not ask for more
Looking in your eyes
Seeing all I need
Everything you are is everything to me
These are the moments
I know heaven must exist
These are the moments I know all I need is this
I have all I’ve waited for
And I could not ask for more
I could not ask for more than this time together
I could not ask for more than this time with you
Every prayer has been answered
Every dream I have’s come true
And right here in this moment is right where I’m meant to be
Here with you here with me
I could not ask for more than the love you give me
‘Coz it’s all I’ve waited for
Once upon a time, a long time ago, I fell in love. And there was laughing and funny breaths and happiness. There was much rejoicing. And then, SHUT! Over. Gone. Dead. Completely cut off. Disconnected. The taste still fresh in my mouth. The smell still on my skin. The feeling left in my fingertips. But I can’t get that feeling back. I may spend my entire life trying to get back into that Polariod. Fighting all the way. The best thing I have ever known. Even now, years later, anytime I come close to it I want to dive in. Sink or swim. I don’t care. I would give anything to be even in the room next to it. Across the street. A breath away. Remembering what I never let myself forget. Looking someone in the eye and knowing; another time, another place, it is right there. In front of me. Within reach. Just open my fingers and wrap them around it. Hold it tightly. And never let it go. Never. Never. I fought. I fought hard. But only with myself. Sometimes I wonder if I should have fought harder. With him. With it. Tried to work it out. It all made sense for about fifteen seconds. Just enough time to say, ?You’re right.? What the hell was I thinking. Why didn’t I say . . . . something. My line of thinking was ?if he doesn’t want it, I don’t want to push it.? Why try to keep him where he doesn’t want to be? But he did want to be there. He had to. He was happy. There were nights I cried. When we were together and then he took me home and on the way home I cried. Not because I was sad, or even missed him already, but because I was happy. So happy I couldn’t contain myself. I talked to God. Whether I believed in him or not. And I said thank you. Over and over. Again and again. I couldn’t believe it was real. That I could actually touch him. Kiss him. Look into his perfect green eyes and see myself. But I could. I had seen him before. IN the coffee shop. And I said to myself ?I would give up everything if he would even turn my way.? He was light years beyond me. Another plane. Another class. Confident, beautiful, at peace. So sure. Not for me. I couldn’t even dream it. No way could I ever make it real. Did he feel what I felt? I have to believe he did. If I didn’t it would be so hard to breathe. So hard to get up in the morning. So hard to be. No one will be him. No one will have those green eyes. No one will have that one lock of hair hiding all his secrets. And no one, ever again (shudder) will make me whole. Not like that. I’m scared. I’m so scared. What if it is real? What if never? What if I’m right? Do you ever wonder, do you ever ask yourself, ?can I live without love?? Can I open my eyes? I’m afraid to. There is a feeling. You know it. This trembling completeness. This warmth. That makes everything big. And you are ten feet tall all the time. Everyone is looking at you. You are the one. The one he chose. The one he calls when everything is wrong, and when everything is right! He is the one who reaches out for you. For me. He once said ? I need you.? I was done. That was what I was looking for all my life. Those words. For something so pure as this creature to need ME! Could not be real. Could not be my life. But it was. Of course, it WAS! It isn’t anymore. It is gone. So far away. And it will never be there again. I see little pieces of it everywhere. A glance, a smile, a touch. I feel desperate. I feel alone. So much out there. But I only want to hear one thing. Not sure what. But I will know. If I ever get the chance. I will stretch out my fingers, grasp it tightly, and NEVER LET IT GO! But till then; I will be here. With my open hand. And my desperate heart. And my cold skin. Slowly, regrettably, forgetting just enough that I can survive from one day to the next. To remember is to suffer. To see what was and then look at what is. To hear a voice, feel my heart stop. Watch my breath studder in the cold. He. He can be almost anyone. He can read me like a book. I will open to any page for anyone. Cover to cover. Nothing to hide. Not the fear, the pain, or the hopelessness. It is all there. Large print ; easy to read. Secrets dissolve in tears. Dissipating into honesty, innocence, need. I was lost and now I’m found. I was blind but now I see. Maybe I don’t want to. ..It’s all because of YOU..
For while you come to me as a friend
I am reaching for a lover,
and this difference can only causes us pain.
Where will I go
When there’s no where to go
But away from you
What will I say
When everything’s been said
But we’re through
What lies ahead
When it all lies behind
But the memories
Will I have the strength
To wipe the tear from my eye
To give one last hug
And whisper ‘good-bye’ ?
If you can just turn
And walk away
And feel there’s nothing more
You need to say
And you do not feel a tearing
In your Heart
If you can so easily
Forget about me
And all the things
I tried to be
Then I guess there was really no reason
For you to stay
So often life is not filled with love and laughter as much as with loneliness and disappointment.
I can live with because i can learn from.
The pain I feel when something went wrong
causes someone special to leave my life.
But the pain that’s doubly hard to bear,
comes when i lose someone without even knowing ‘why’..
I don’t think it was selfish that i wanted to be with you.
That i wanted to share your laughter,
That i wanted to be a part of your life.
But i admit i had my needs.
I needed understanding
I needed someone to hold.
I needed someone to talk to.
Now when sadness surrounds me that you’re gone,
I try to rejoice, that you never came at all…
You might have loved me but its only, its not as deeper as i thought.
Forces can only causes pain.
Your need for me is different from my need for you.
A little pain today is better than a lot of pain tomorrow.
It’s hurts to see you walk away.
I admit you were an important part of my life.
And the time we shared will forever remain in me.
Even though I realize it was never meant to be..
Still, it hurts!
i have an inform from my manager, said that i’ve to go to Malaysia next summer. It will be my first trip to Malaysia. and i guess i have to learn Malaysia language soon, if not i wont be able to communicate with anyone there. It will be soon. I hope this information will probably be true, because i haven’t step in Malaysia before. wonder how is Malaysia compare to my hometown. i surf some webnet, and found out that there is alot of tourism place to go and it will be extremely fun there. altho this trip is not for fun but i will try to get out some time to go somewhere interesting, see something new. yea, im getting excited about this. argh! why should next summer? why not next month? aww~have to wait no matter how.
i hope to meet all Malaysia friends! ALL if i can get out the time. i will try all my very best. i’m gonna list out all the name of you guys and gals. if its going to be true, i will be there for 2-3 months! cool! how nice isn’t it?
ok, let’s stop dreaming about that first. getting late now and i gotta go to bed.
good night all..
19th Sept.
Well, have been busy for the whole week with my photo shooting.
isn’t life should be enjoyable?
i really hope i could just settle down everything..
hope that i’ll meet my Mr.Right and i’ll just let go everything.
i’m tired or should i put in the words of ‘fed up’ ?
yea, i’m fed up with my modeling life.
haha..actually it was a real fun and excited job at first.
but..as years passes by, i would like to give up.
get a shoulder for me to lean on whenever, wherever i need it.
life isn’t a joke isn’t it? haha guess so huh..
i get to know a girl name Suzanne at this photo shooting at Manchester.
a real nice friend. but, to me, there always a story behind everyone.
i wonder do we have to stay in the past or
why should we let the past overcome us?
but that’s human !
we are not god..we cant control.
i learnt it. the past equal now and now equal future.
hmmm.. the past let it be there for a memory and learn from it.
and do our best for now.
i guess that’s it for now.
haven’t get enough sleep for so many days..
signing off~ muaksss to everyone.
it makes my breathing hard,
coz i’ve been missing you all this while..
i want nothing and you should know this..
i could give up everything just for you..
i thought i could win your break, but baby..
you showed me that i’m so wrong..
i guess i’m just living in memories..
how much i want to turn back the time to make everything alright..
now i have to face the world alone..no longer you and I..
i see no trust, i see no love..
i am so true to myself and i thought you are.
i dont want your one word of sorry !!
it doesn’t mean anything anymore !
you burn everything that we built all this years..
and you have thrown my heart and break into pieces..
i have nothing but my career..
i know i have to carry on..
no matter how hard no matter how tough..
time will fade away everything..everything i meant it!
i admit. i admit that, yes, i still love you..
you live so strongly in my heart..
but..the minute on, the scar forever there..
i dont even wanna see a shadow of you in my heart..
i will drop no more tears for you,
because, it will only crying inside..
Well, here it goes my first of all blogs..
have been busy with my study and my work.
i really do hope to go back my hometown and have reunion with my family and friends as well..
i miss those times when you and I could spend all the sticking together.
i miss those times when i could spend the whole day time waiting for your call.
i miss those times when we could just spend just a second to see each other.
i really miss those times..
life goes on although i’m without you, you’re without me.
and thinking back our promises, it was..so called as committment?
i wonder will you still remember how was those old days..
but i can still recall everything so clearly..
i’m whispering here from my heart saying i miss you..
and i hope you could hear it..
i miss you
